My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize