i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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