I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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