This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
