awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
