I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
