There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
