but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
