I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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