is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize
