i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
