she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
