I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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