I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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