and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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