im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
handjob tips. give me some.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize