home. puking in laundry basket.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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