I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
