all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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