How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
