Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
