Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
