Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
