yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
