Are we in a gay sports bar?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
