I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
