I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
