people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
In America we eat man semen.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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