Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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