Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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