Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
