First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
