he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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