Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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