Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
