you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
