dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
