Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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