I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
