It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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