yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
too bad you live with your parents still
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
