i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
