The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
