Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Drunk is a universal language darling
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