i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
