y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
