1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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