I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
