Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
