wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize