Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
