I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
