my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
