I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize