we made out on top of his cat.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
NoShamevember. You game?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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