You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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