I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
