wat bout pragnant strippers??
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
