Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize