Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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