so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
