dude i'm inner monologue high
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i've created a new STD.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
