My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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