bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
that's an acceptable place to lick
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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