why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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