We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
