sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
