Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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