thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
