I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
