the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
