so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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